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What I’m learning about the depths of prayer….
I’ve been praying for as long as I can remember. Under the covers in
my bed as a little girl I’d whisper, “Keep me safe, God, and bless
my teddy bear.” I felt connected to God through those simple
requests. Yet it wasn’t until years later, when I helplessly watched
my own little girl fight for her life in a hospital bed, that I
found the courage to dive down deep in prayer.
Sarah was born with a dangerous heart defect and obvious Down
syndrome. Through ultrasound, my husband and I were given her
diagnosis months before Sarah’s birth. While pregnant I prayed,
“Jesus, heal her heart. Knit her together according to Your master
plan.” Knowing that God’s way is perfect (Psalm 18:30), I believed
He would do exactly that.
The real test came when Sarah was born imperfect according to my
worldly standards. God had not chosen to mend her heart before she
was born. Down syndrome had not been taken away. Staring at Sarah
while she lay under an oxygen hood moments after birth I confronted
God. “This is the answer to my prayer?” I objected. “This is Your
idea of perfection?”
Devastated that I didn’t get my way, I continued to challenge God’s
authority. I wanted some answers and I wanted them now. Not during
tomorrow morning’s routine quiet-time, not whenever the next retreat
rolled around. Then and there.
My dreams for my daughter were ebbing away before my eyes. An
overpowering pull of confusion forced me to dive deep into prayer on
the spot. I sat down by Sarah’s side, and my prayers rose to God.
The way He answered me took my breath away and continues to amaze me
to this very day.
God made it clear that my own heart needed healing before Sarah’s
could be repaired. While I would’ve been grateful if Sarah was born
healthy and whole, that “instant gratification” would have robbed me
of the deeper relationship God had in store. Broken in the past, my
heart had calloused and feared opening access to its deepest places.
The surface seemed safer. True passion for Christ – true freedom –
came only after I prayerfully surrendered my whole heart to the
Healer.
Sarah’s need for open heart surgery is what God used to give me a
new heart and put a new spirit in me. Three months in intensive care
– three months of pain and prayer – was the surgical procedure God
designed to
remove from me my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh
(Ezekiel
36:26). A heart willing to align its ways with God’s through prayer.
All I wanted was a healthy baby. I got that. Since Sarah’s recovery
her heart’s as good as new. God wanted more for me, and He wanted me
to want more from Him. He saw someone satisfied just skimming the
surface with Him in prayer. He transformed me into a prayer warrior
willing to risk rough waters and declare, “Whatever it takes to mold
me into the person You know I can be, Lord. I trust You, Jesus.
Whatever it takes.”
God’s plan involved proving that His ways are higher than mine
(Isaiah 55:9). Hungry to see His perspective, I now pray with a
different purpose. My desire has developed from getting what I want
to getting more of God’s Holy Spirit. It’s a boldness that stops me
from shutting down – an expectation that prods me to delve deeper
into the vast and endless sea of intimacy with Christ. There are
still times of pain, but Jesus shows me the purpose for the pain. He
encourages my heart to continue to feel despite the pain. He’s
moving me ever closer to the heart of God.
Perhaps what surprises me most is that God deposited a deeper level
of compassion into my heart when He placed Sarah into my arms. A
companion in suffering, I can’t sit back silently as others suffer
anymore.
Instead I’m drawn into depths of intercession I simply wasn’t
capable of
before the gift of Sarah.
A prayer journey that began as my own urgent attempt to not lose
heart has grown into an ability to see beyond myself. Prayers once
reserved for personal needs and immediate family now embrace the
bigger picture to include those beyond my borders. The ripple effect
of God’s influence in my life has enlarged my circle of influence
through prayer. Christ keeps carrying me out of the shallow end to
intervene and intercede for those drowning in need.
My prayers used to splash around on the surface. Now I search for
treasures sunken deep in the heart of Christ. Though the waves may
roar overhead, I call out to Jesus, the Perfecter of my faith, and
hear Him answer, “Go ahead, dive deeper.”
Shauna Amick, M.Ed.
Watermark Ministries
Past Blog Entries
Lift the Cup of Praise!
Come Hear the Word of the Lord!
Compassion: Suffering With
Creating Comeback Kids
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